How Infertility Silently Impacts Mental and Emotional Health

Infertility is professionally termed a "silent struggle" for a reason. Behind the smiles and respectful head shakes, there are thousands of women suffering through an emotional whirlwind, the ongoing "why me?", the sneaky tears after yet another test that fails, and the nagging despair of watching others achieve what they desire. Society does not often get to witness this agony, but it unobtrusively infects every aspect of a woman's existence, her body, mind, and soul. The angry longing for motherhood most often becomes an overwhelming cycle of worry, depression, self-recrimination, and fury.


It's not that they can't have children for the majority of them. It's losing a feeling of being a woman. Science and psychology both acknowledge that infertility is not purely a medical problem, it's an emotional and psychological emergency. Research has revealed that women who have difficulties with conception suffer from the same intensity of depression and anxiety as those dealing with the most serious of diseases, such as heart disease or cancer. Disappointment on a month-to-month basis can result in insomnia, eating disorders, and even relationship tension. Physical treatments, hormonal drugs, and lengthy treatment sessions also interfere with mood stability, resulting in fatigue and short tempers. What is not observable, however, is the emotional wearing down which happens when a woman feels she is "failing" at something that nature created to look easy.
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As a fertility doctor, life coach and NLP expert for many years, I have witnessed this struggle unfold in a variety of ways. Some women distance themselves from social gatherings that bring up the painful subject of infertility, such as baby showers and family dinners. Others project strength while privately wrestling with waves of anger, jealousy, or guilt. Too often, the question they wake up from sleep questioning in the dead of night isn't "Will I ever get pregnant?" but "Will I ever be whole again?"

This is where the healing has to start, not only in the body, but in the heart and mind. In its most basic form, fertility treatment should never only focus on conception; it should also support mental health and emotional resilience. At The Ova Fertility and Women Care and with Good Vibes Within, my intention has always been to enable women to feel whole again. Every woman should feel enough, pregnancy test shows result or not.


What patients tend to forget too quickly is that infertility does not define their value, womanhood, or fate. The body can require medical intervention, but the mind requires empathy, allowance, and resilience. That's why I encourage my patients to incorporate holistic interventions in addition to medicated treatment. These mindfulness practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or journaling can soothe nagging thoughts and lower cortisol levels, the stress hormone which can exacerbate hormonal imbalance.


As important is openness. So many couples silently suffer because they don't want to be judged or mistakenly interpreted. Telling someone how you feel, whether it's to a spouse, therapist, or support group, can heal. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's a bridge to emotional release and self-acceptance. In making a safe space for pain, we also make room for hope.


Anger and frustration are normal, but never should be stifled. Rather, I urge women to express them positively, through movement of the body, art, or therapy. At times what we see as "anger" is indeed sorrow, sorrow for the potential future that does not materialize yet. And with any sorrow, it needs sympathy rather than chastisement.


Self-care is the other not-negotiable aspect of this process. Easy habits, healthy food, enough sleep, time outdoors, and letting go of toxic comparisons, can make a concrete impact. One of the most powerful habits I suggest is morning affirmations of self-worth: "I am more than my ability to conceive. My value is not measured by biology." Repeated regularly, these kinds of affirmations can rewire the mind for self-love and acceptance.


Partners also have something to do. Infertility can build walls in a relationship that are invisible, and they are most often based on shared guilt or passive expectations. Encouraging communication, empathy, and emotional support can keep the walls from becoming distance. Both partners need to be sensitive to the other person's hurt, not against it. Healing is, after all, a partnership.

Most importantly, seeking professional help should never be seen as a sign of defeat. Therapy, coaching, and guided emotional programs can help women rebuild mental strength and find peace, regardless of medical outcomes. At Ova Fertility and Women Care and Good Vibes Within, we’ve seen how combining fertility science with emotional coaching not only improves mental health but also enhances the success rates of medical treatment, because a calm mind creates a fertile environment for healing.

Infertility alters lives, but doesn't have to shatter them. It can be the catalyst for more profound knowledge of one's self, a journey towards acceptance, balance, and liberation of the heart. As women, we have to learn to substitute the silent anguish with kindness towards ourselves, and isolation with connection. The journey may be unclear, but the ability to heal, emotionally and psychologically, always rests within our hands.

Because fertility is not all about bringing life. It's also about maintaining the life in you.

Dr. Snehal Kohale, Fertility Specialist and Founder, Ova Fertility and Women Care